Compiled January 4th 2016, Wednesday.
As a naive, gullible, and immature undifferentiated schizophrenic, I felt that every time I got close to solving my problems, someone would come along and read my mind and sabotage my mental effort, thus keeping me naive, gullible, and immature, and therefore driving me deeper and deeper into undifferentiated schizophrenia.
This is what I told to the psychiatrists and psychologists who interviewed me during the 10 months after my arrest on February 13th, 1973. Before then I did not even think about such phenomena; before then I was a non-thinking and reactive type of naive, gullible and immature, undifferentiated and paranoid schizophrenic.
March 11th, 2008
"Sorrow and Remorse"
In my daily prayer life I honestly express true sorrow and true remorse for having comitted the 13 crimes.
I am sorry and I am remorseful.
I hope that that God of America will guide, protect, and improve the 13 victims and their families and friends.
I hope that they will be reimbursed and repaid for their loss in the tragedy.
I am truthfully very, very sorry.
July 21st, 2014
I believe I have a positive attitude.
I accept responsibility for the crime spree.
I am sorrowful and remorseful for having committed the crimes.
I am determined to live my life free of crime and criminal thinking.
I look forward to parole and plan on being a good member of society.
I look forward to participating in organizations that help the community exist in a healthier more worthwhile way.
I honestly believe that I have a positive and worthwhile attitude.
August 3rd, 2014
Who am I? What is my purpose?
I am a natural scientist. I enjoy describing and explaining the phenomena I perceive in the natural world. That means I place a lot of importance in the truth and accuracy in my descriptions and explanations.
Where am I going?
I am in the process of rehabilitating and reeducating myself. Over the years, since my arrest, I have sincerely healed and cleansed my mind and emotions of paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenia.
Because I still believe I could and should become a free member of our U.S.A, California, society. I believe I could become involved in educating the younger generations as to how and why they should avoid living lives of crime.
I take responsibility for my thoughts, my speech, and my actions. I am responsible for myself. I believe I am ready to become a law abiding, tax paying, worthwhile free citizen.
August 24, 2014
"Key words and Concepts"
Over the years the ideas and concepts I have used to describe and explain what happened and why, have in many ways remained the same. On the stand, at the trial, while being cross-examined, I blamed my parents and family and former friends for having deliberately kept me naive, gullible, and immature. I accused them of causing me to become a paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenic, and then causing me to commit the crime spree. I accused them of knowing when each crime took place and then doing nothing to notify the sheriff or police, during the four months that the crime spree was occurring.
My paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenia was real. From my point of view it was not until February and March of 1983 that the disease dissipated and left my mind and body, so to speak.
These ideas, key words, and concepts, did not come to me until after my arrest and before my trial. The psychiatrists and psychologists that interviewed me after the arrest and before the trial no doubt affected my train of thought by their choice of questions.
At the present time I am involved in trying to hire a lawyer to assist me in in getting copies of my oral testimony at the original trial. Once that is accomplished I will hire a private psychiatrist to do an independent psychological evaluation; one that will accurately and truthfully describe and explain what happened and why...as well as how psychologically healthy I am at the present time.
I must emphasize, I am honestly and truthfully sorry for having committed the crime spree. I show true remorse in my daily prayer life.
August 24th, 2014
"Rehabilitation: The Crime"
My inappropriate thinking began when I decided to not profess "Agnosticism", and instead profess monotheism and Christianity. I knew I was making a decision that would cause me to think and speak and act in ways that were counterintuitive to my true beliefs. Why did I make that decision? Because I was six years old and in the first grade Catholic grammar school and wanted to get a good, healthy education.
The next problem began when I was nine years old. I started stealing cigarettes and pipe tobacco from my parents. Subconsciously I guess I rationalized these "stealing decisions" by indicating to myself that it was not that expensive! Why smoke tobacco? I saw my parents smoking. They would percolate coffee and pour whiskey into the cup of hot, steaming coffee and then light up their tobacco. As a younger I enjoyed various aromas and probably subconsciously thought I could enjoy such activities.
In high school and college I began to experience beer, wine, whiskey, marijuana, and L.S.D., in that order. Age wise, that would mean 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 for beer, wine, and whiskey. 18, 19, 20 for marijuana and L.S.D.
When I was 21 years of age I developed what is known as "undifferentiated schizophrenia". From age 21 until my arrest at age 25 I could not hold a job for more than 6 months at a time.
The rationale for the crime spree stems from my "paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenia". This is something I have talked about with my psychiatrists and psychologists. From my point of view now, I am rehabilitated and reeducated. I have been in California's department of corrections for 41 1/2 years. I am truthfully sorry and remorseful for having committed the crime spree. I show true remorse in my daily prayer life.
August 24th, 2014
"Transformation and Rehabilitation"
During the early years in prison I was kept in a Security Housing Unit. Once each month I was interviewed by a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. The pre-trial, post-arrest period, lasted from February 13th, 1973 until the trial began in the summer of 1973. During that period I was interviewed by psychiatrists and psychologists assigned by the trial court judge to determine my suitability to stand trial. During the trial I was questioned by my public defender quite extensively, and by the prosecution district attorneys. I also witness the trial questioning and answering of former family and former friends by the district attorneys and my public defender.
By this time I got to the Security Housing Unit, I had begun my transformation and rehabilitation. My insights and realizations basically pertained to the fact that my family and friends had deliberately kept me naive, gullible, and immature...that I thus became a paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenic, and that the mental disease cause me to commit the crime spree...also that my former family and former friends knew when each crime took place and yet did nothing to stop the crime spree, nor notify the police.
After I got to the mainline in prison, after 19 months in the Security Housing Unit, I got involved with one-on-one psychotherapy with a psychiatrist, 2 hour sessions one day a week for 7 months. I also got involved with a psychologist for one-on-one one hour sessions once each week for 12 months. I also got involved in group therapy sessions twice each week for 1 1/2 hours each session.
The psychiatrist and psychologist confirmed my beliefs about my former family and former friends deliberately keeping me naive, gullible, and immature...the psychiatrists and psychologists also indicated that it was the mental disease of paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenia that caused me to commit the crime spree.
One of the major changes I made was that I stopped visiting and writing to and with my former family. This had a very healing and cleansing effect on my personality. I became healthier.
In prison I have led a life free of crime. Although my religious convictions are that of Agnosticism and Natural Science, I still believe and adhere to the 10 Commandments of Christianity and Judaism, vis a vis morally.
Also, I have studied and/or academically practiced Hinduism and Buddhism. Their moral precepts are identical, and from my point of view very beneficial.
As I live I find that my Agnosticism and Hinduism and Natural Science beliefs and studies are part and parcel of my every day psychological make up. I am a moral and ethical person who has rid himself of paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenia. I am sane and healthy and my capacity for enjoyment is unimpaired. I am 67 years old and I am trying to acquire my release from prison.
I am truthfully sorrowful for my commission of the crime spree 41 years ago. I hope and pray that the God of America guides and protects and improves the victims and their families and friends.
September 10th, 2014
"Rehabilitation: Forgiveness and Remorse"
I am truly sorrowful and remorseful for having committed the crime spree. Each crime individually, and all the crimes collectively, are truly regrettable. I am sorry that I caused those people and their families and friends all that pain and disappointment.
I honestly apologize.
September 30th, 2014
"Rehabilitation: Lifer Support Group Questions"
#1. Who were you then and who are you now?
From 1/1/1967 until my arrest on 2/13/1973, I was a naive, gullible, and immature, undifferentiated schizophrenic, experiencing non-verbal cognition syndrome with myself as I "missed the point" about growing up, maturing, moving away from home and parents, making a living in the world and gathering and managing my own fortune.
Now, 41 1/2 years in prison, I am a mature, competent, efficient, and effective gentleman scholar.
#2. What do you take responsibility for? When did you take responsibility?
I take responsibility for the crime spree. I am responsible for saying that I am truly sorrowful and remorseful for having committed the crimes.
I began taking responsibility during the spring and summer of 1973 while being given a psychological series of one-on-one examinations of conscience, ordered by the court to determine my psychological suitability to stand trial.
#3. What has changed the most in you?
My ability to see myself as a worthwhile, competent, efficient, and effective person living accordingly within the culture of America and California. Now I know who I am and where I am. Maturity and mental health, sanity and a feeling of self confidence, these realities are emanating from me; for this I am expressing gratitude and thanksgiving.
#4. How have you addressed your ties?
During my one-on-one relationships with Doctor Gordon Haiberg and Doctor Morton Felix, in 1975 and 1976, when I was 28 and 29 years old, we came to the conclusion that it would be best for my mental health rehabilitation, if I were to stop writing and visiting and associating with my parents and family. By the time I because 30 years old I had stopped visiting my former family. By the time I became 36 years old I had stopped writing my family. My life has improved because of this.
#5. What have you done to show remorse?
In my daily prayer life I show true sorrow and true remorse. I hope constantly that the God of America will guide, protect, and improve the victims and their families and friends. Presumably the God of America cab and will reimburse them normally and naturally.
I began to feel remorse during the trial in the summer of 1973. The sorrow and remorse was complete by the summer time of 1983.
#6. Have you accepted that you may die in prison?
Yes, I have. Just the same, I hope I will be allowed parole soon.
#7. What are you triggers?
This question is referring to the susceptibility to acting out violently. My triggers are associating with inappropriate companions, alcohol abuse, marijuana, and L.S.D. experimentation. Knowing this to be the case, I have entered into and progressed through Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, one-on-one psychotherapy, group therapy, cognitive behavior training therapy, and am presently involved in the Al-Anon Family group activities.
I believe I am in control of myself and that my triggers have been dismantled and thrown away.
#8. Knowing that you have not had the opportunity to make personal amends with your victims or their families, what would you say if given the chance?
I would tell them that I am very sorry for having victimized them. I would express my remorse for having broken the laws of our nation, state, and country, and that they suffered because of my inappropriate and unlawful behavior. I would say that I am sorry and that I have been in California State Prison for the past 41 1/2 years trying to rehabilitate and re-educate myself, as well as trying to express true sorrow and true remorse.
#9. How can you assure the board of parole hearings that upon you release you will live a life without violence?
My basic belief and exhortation is that I will, upon parole from CDCR, join groups that are approved by my parole officer and his/her supervisor; groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Al-Anon, as well as local approved religious groups. The groups and my personal sponsors will coordinate with my parole officer and his/her supervisors, to ensure that my behavior remains non-violent and law abiding.
#10. Why should the board let you out?
The board should realize by reading my personal written central file statements and by reading my oral testimony at my previous parole consideration hearings, and by my behavior and CDCR work records, and by my personal appearance and behavior during the forthcoming parole consideration hearing, that I am suitable and worthy of parole. 41 1/2 years within the CDCR has rehabilitated and re-educated me. I am ready and capable and worthy to be released and begin a new phase of my life as a free, tax paying, beneficial member of our U.S.A, California, society.
Once I am on parole I can contact a private psychiatrist unaffiliated with the CDCR and get a new psychological perspective on myself. This will no doubt satisfy my parole officer and his/her supervisors that I am on the right path.
The board of parole hearings has the power to make these worthwhile and beneficial activities begin to take place. I hope and pray that they choose to vote for my parole.
September 30th, 2014
"Rehabilitation: Forgiveness and Remorse"
#1. What brought me to forgive myself?
I saw that I was basically a good person who desires to give and receive beneficial blessings. Life, here in the U.S.A. and California is truly a blessing. I want to share.
#2. Have I forgiven my background and upbringing?
Yes, by all means! But the ideas and concepts that brought me to even suspect their involvement, have not gone away. My former parents, aunts and uncles, sister and brother in law, cousins, friends, neighbors, schools, churches, etc., all in all have disappeared from my life. Whenever I meet with a parole board or psychological review board, or CDCR case worker, we always discuss the relevance and/or pertinence of those people and institutions. But my forgiveness is real and sincere.
#3. Have I forgiven the prison system?
Yes! In fact it is the prison system that has assisted me in overcoming the paranoid undifferentiated schizophrenia that actually caused the crime spree.
#4. Have I forgiven the victims and victims' families?
Yes, by all means! I hope that the God of America will somehow reimburse them and console them for their loss. God bless America, God bless California, and God bless the victims, their families, and their friends. I am very, very sorry for having committed the series of crimes. I honestly show true sorrow and true remorse in my daily prayer life.
November 1st, 2014